Chapter 48: The Taste of the Past

Pretty bowls and dishes came out from the basket, and a corner of the cut century egg dipped in prepared bright red sauce—red against black, brilliantly vivid. Nie Yunzhu was placing this small dish on the counter when she clearly saw the two men over there. She blinked, showing slight confusion. A moment later, seeming to remember something, the smile vanished from her face. She bowed slightly, turned her head, and continued taking out century eggs.

"Then... Brother waiter, I'll trouble you. If any sauces run low, just come get more..."

Gu Yanzhen had already walked to the counter with a face full of confusion, watching her do these things, and the waiter probably also sensed something wrong, hesitating for a moment without coming to ask what Gu Yanzhen needed. After softly entrusting matters to the waiter, Nie Yunzhu packed her bamboo basket, then smiled and nodded at him: "Young Master Gu."

"Yun... zhu?" Gu Yanzhen looked at those century eggs. "How could you... how could you be out selling these things?"

"Is something wrong?" Nie Yunzhu gathered her things and walked out, frowning slightly as she asked back, and Gu Yanzhen followed. After thinking for quite a while, words reached his lips but he hesitated. A moment later he finally took a breath, smoothing his emotions.

"I... I returned from the Eastern Capital and went to Golden Wind Tower looking for you, only to learn you were no longer there, and I asked where you were now, but they wouldn't say. I just thought you'd found a good home and was happy for you. But now you... how did it come to this? Coming out in public to sell these things?"

On the street with people coming and going, Nie Yunzhu walked with lowered head. After thinking briefly, she smiled: "Thank you for your concern, Young Master. Though Yunzhu now appears in public, I'm only earning money through manual labor—nothing improper about it. Compared to that previous life, my heart has found its home. Young Master needn't worry... Uh, your friend is still waiting upstairs. Young Master should hurry back."

Gu Yanzhen sighed, shaking his head in distress: "No matter... That person just now was Shen Miao, Shen Zishan, who also met you a few times back then. Didn't you recognize him just now..." Nie Yunzhu kept her head down, so he couldn't see her expression. He then smiled: "True, dressed like this, he didn't recognize you either..."

Yunzhu kept walking with lowered head. He followed alongside, not knowing what topic to bring up, so he rambled about the past: "...I still remember that year at White Egret Isle, Yunzhu's qin music amazed everyone. I said that day... That year selecting the top courtesan, I thought Yunzhu would surely take first place. Who knew Yunzhu didn't even have the heart to compete? Only then did I understand Yunzhu's indifferent nature... When leaving, I wanted to confess my feelings to Yunzhu, but in the end, just a few simple pleasantries... But when I was in the Eastern Capital, I thought of you every day..."

Thinking and thinking, emotions surged as years of thoughts erupted at once. This last sentence was going all out. After speaking, he reached for her hand. But while Nie Yunzhu might be new at business and setting up stalls, she had long experience in this area. She suddenly frowned and shifted aside. Gu Yanzhen froze there slightly. Nie Yunzhu looked at him, frowning without speaking. After a long while, she finally showed a smile, curtsying politely.

"Yunzhu... surname is Nie."

"Hm?" Gu Yanzhen hesitated a moment, then said: "You... your husband's surname now?"

Yunzhu shook her head: "My father's surname is Nie. When I fell into that world of dust, entertaining with beauty, Yunzhu didn't want to sell even this surname in the end, so I only used the name Yunzhu. Back at Golden Wind Tower, I never told anyone this surname. But now having finally redeemed myself and left, I can finally restore my full name... Young Master favored me back then, Yunzhu was happy. That Young Master still remembers now, Yunzhu can only say I'm honored. So if Young Master truly remembers such a woman in the future, I hope it's Nie Yunzhu, not the famous courtesan Yunzhu of Golden Wind Tower."

She smiled throughout these words—warm but independent, maintaining distance. Gu Yanzhen naturally understood the meaning: "You... you blame me for only remembering you in that world of dust... but..."

"No blame at all. Back then Yunzhu was indeed in that world of dust, selling art, selling smiles, entertaining with beauty. Things were that way, so they were that way. Young Master truly cares for Yunzhu, and Yunzhu is truly grateful. So I want to tell Young Master—though I now appear in public, Yunzhu's heart is at peace, many times happier than at Golden Wind Tower. Young Master needn't worry for Yunzhu." She curtsied slightly. "I have matters to attend to. I'll take my leave. Young Master, please go back."

She still had century eggs to deliver to another restaurant, thinking about this matter, for after all, it was a hard-won sales channel—she didn't dare go too late. As for Gu Yanzhen... Back then she'd seen many talents. Some roamed pleasure quarters calling themselves romantic, quite popular with women. Gu Yanzhen was quite outstanding among them—bearing, talent, manner, temperament all made him liked by many women. But for her now, he was just an ordinary man who left a slightly deeper impression.

She remembered he seemed to have gone to the capital for examinations back then. Not long after, she'd redeemed herself. Meeting again now was indeed somewhat unexpected. But it was just a meeting. She might meet many more people in the future—nothing extraordinary.

The past as Golden Wind Tower's top courtesan held no romantic elegance in her heart, no lofty emotions worth singing about. In those scholars' eyes, perhaps a poetry gathering or romantic affair could be praised for ages. Who was favored by which famous courtesan, becoming her guest, or even winning a beauty's heart, having her willingly offer her virginity—these were men's highest, most refined, most enviable achievements. But for her, it was just a pitiful time when a woman anxiously endured day after day through countless days without visible futures.

Coming out from the Court Music Bureau¹, anxiously accepting the fate of becoming a prostitute. Fortunately she knew music, chess, calligraphy and painting, giving her a small chance. Then working hard to display herself, working hard to grasp and learn how to attract others without making them think of crude lust, hinting that such poetry discussions and music appreciation were refined matters. Even with some reputation, her heart remained anxious, fearing some accident might suddenly happen. When those with power and influence truly went all out to get a certain woman, no "famous courtesan" or "great beauty" could resist. Various restraints and balances—she didn't dare make her reputation too loud, becoming some top courtesan, turning into a tool for men to display their charm...

In those days at Golden Wind Tower, few women could preserve their bodies. Girls who truly had no other value and wanted to maintain chastity—how could it be so easy? Force-fed drugs, tied up, various whippings and tortures—no woman could endure to the end. Few had real courage to commit suicide. Or if suicide failed, ultimately nothing changed. Some girls, even if they were performers not selling their bodies, at some point were forcibly taken by powerful people. Who could truly support them?

Most terrifying was that even girls who resisted fiercely at first would gradually adapt, gradually grow numb, gradually start talking with people, gradually learn this life, gradually start telling other women under the eaves about what kind of men they'd met... During that time, she feared daily that would be her future portrait. Or like a very few women, killing herself, or going mad. After losing all value, thrown out of Golden Wind Tower to become a beggar woman, running in the streets without clothes. Unable to survive winter, becoming a rotting corpse.

Gu Yanzhen might nostalgically mention the past, but there was nothing she found nostalgic in it, and she felt somewhat displeased. But naturally, this wasn't his fault either. As Liheng had said not long ago, having someone think of you was ultimately a good thing. His thoughts were kind, so she should smile facing him, thank him for his kindness, and let him understand these matters. Of course, he might not understand what she meant by finding her home, thinking she'd married.

Going all the way to deliver century eggs at Emerald Screen Tower, Gu Yanzhen kept watching these things from across the street. This made her feel somewhat troubled, but there was nothing to be done now, nothing to say. "In the Eastern Capital... I thought of you every day..." What he thought of, what they all thought of, was perhaps that Yunzhu who smiled, played qin, sang songs, or danced to others' music constantly pleasing others—this wasn't their fault either. She couldn't be angry, but now could only feel troubled...

Over these years, there had been times of playing and singing for her own entertainment. But she'd truly thought that from now on, she'd never use these methods and smiles to please others again. This Gu Yanzhen—even if he mentioned these things, so what? If she didn't play qin, didn't sing, didn't dance, no longer echoed romantic poems or praised some talent's literary excellence, then sitting together, what would they have to talk about? But thinking of this, she couldn't help remembering a certain exception...

Thinking about it now, she realized—when making that decision she'd been so firm. But when Liheng asked about qin music before New Year, she hadn't thought of these things at all, instead unhesitatingly making jokes like "how many floors high." Later playing qin and composing, several times when he listened to Jialan Rain or Farewell at the Long Pavilion, chatting and laughing with him, she'd actually been thinking how nice it would be to display more before him. Wanting to tell him, I sing other songs better, other lyrics and music might sound better than these strange little songs. When he casually mentioned disliking monotonous lyrics and music, her heart even felt slightly annoyed, with a small desire to perform, wanting to say: "If I sang it, it wouldn't be like that."

Her heart actually already understood—just as he hadn't deliberately displayed his talented side before her, she also hadn't shown those past skills, but not because of shadows, only because they hadn't truly discussed it. If that person truly wanted to hear, she'd definitely be willing to use these talents to please him, completely without feeling it was like at Golden Wind Tower.

Recalling what Hutao had said to her a few days ago, she thought this way. Such feelings perhaps couldn't be changed anymore...

Thinking these things, she held her basket and smiled faintly, returning to the corner stall. Hutao came over, thinking she was happy about century eggs.

"Miss, we can sell many in a day now, right?"

"Yes, thirty eggs' task definitely no problem." Just... the matter seemed unrelated to Liheng, because Liheng normally didn't associate with these talents... She puzzled over this... Then turned to look around. Gu Yanzhen seemed to have stopped following...

"Miss, what are you looking at?"

"Heh." She smiled and shook her head. "Nothing..."

On the other side, Gu Yanzhen returned upstairs to the restaurant, meeting with Shen Zishan with his expression complex.

"Zishan, what exactly is the relationship between Dexin and that century egg stall? Do you... know?"

(End of Chapter)

1. Court Music Bureau (教坊司) - Government institution managing court entertainment; in Ming Dynasty also functioned as official brothel where families of disgraced officials were punished ↑